Rattlesnake Outtake

Original post to LinkedIn Poets:

~ Diamondback ~
~
It does not come in front of me
no that would be nice
but it doesn't think twice
for it sneaks up from behind
aims for my back
when it plans it's attack
It doesn't give you a chance
but that's part of it's dance
Before it does battle
it loves to show off and
rattle & rattle then tattle
I stop and move not my feet
and I hold my breath
for it's about to strike
and cause my death
but the great spirit intercedes
and does a kind deed
for my ancestor sends forth
a hawk to pick up rattlesnake
for the hawk at the last second
grabs it with his talons
and gives it a good shake
then swiftly flies with it away
and drops the evil snake
into a canyon deep, tonight
I know that I shall have
sweet dreams
after I fall
asleep!

by bonnie j. flach (c)
posted 5-9-2013

My response: I was bothered that your poem kind of rhymed, but mostly didn't; so I reworked your poem. I hope you're not offended. 

Rattlesnake Outtake
10 May 2013

It does not come in front.
No, that would be nice.
It doesn't think twice
About sneaking to hunt
Aiming for my back
When it plans to attack.
It doesn't give me a chance,
But that's part of the dance.
Before it does battle,
It loves to show off,
Shake its tail and rattle.
I stop, not daring to cough,
Just shaking in my shoes.
I'm holding my breath
For it's about to choose
And cause my death.
But the great spirit intercedes
And initiates timely deeds.
My ancestor sends out
A hawk to pick up the rattlesnake.
With a last-second rout
The hawk gives it a good shake.
Then with the serpent
In his talons, swiftly flies away
For the evil snake's descent,
Dropped into a deep canyon's bay.
Tonight I know that I
Shall have sweet dreams,
Enjoying my shut-eye,
Protected by spirit teams.

Bedtime In Rhyme

Bedtime In Rhyme
25 April  2013

Shoot today in the head
And trundle off to bed.
Today was work and fun;
And what's done is done.
Tomorrow will be here soon enough
Bringing its own challenges and stuff.
Let's hope sleep comes on quick
And lying in bed will do the trick.
I just hate tossing and turning
When my brain keeps on churning.
With a yawn I said,
"Shoot today in the head.
It's time to hit the bed."

Rejection Reflection

The host asked for a reflection
Dealing with poetry rejection.

Rejection Reflection

11 April 2013

I didn't know the judge's predilection

About choosing from my collection

So after some introspection

I made a tough selection

Hoping for a connection

That would pass inspection.

After viewing the winners' section

My emotions went another direction.

It felt like a hit to the midsection

And I hid under the covers for protection.

Separation Celebration

Separation Celebration
30 March 2013

The announcement on Facebook
Of celebrating retirements
Was the invitation's hook
To meet a party's requirements.
Annette and Earl get to ignore
That hated alarm clock chore,
Rolling over for one more snore
And don't report for work anymore.
Common folks, both young and old,
Gathered at Vicki's Ramona bungalow,
Socializing all over the threshold
Inside and out, going with the flow.
Eating before hunger could vanquish us,
Chicken was a stomach-filling contender.
The barbecue sauce was delicious;
With ham and short ribs being tender.
Mixing and mingling in knots,
While drinking soda and beer,
People were toasting with shots
Making for plenty of cheer.
A band was set up in the driveway
With dancing just because,
Live music was more organic that way.
What a fun party it was!

You're a Poet And You Know It

You're a Poet And You Know It
15 February 2013

You're a poet
And you know it,
When you read a creation
That you wrote but forgot about
And think, "I like the ideation.
It touches me without a doubt."

When someone else reads your writing
And comments on how it made them feel
Or sees the world in different lighting,
Then your transmuted words are real.
You've become a poet
And you know it.

DA Sundae

DA Sundae
3 March 2013

The other night I saw a waitress in my dream
Who was making a sundae for me,
Even tho my gut gets torn up by ice cream.
She was having great difficulty
Getting a pimiento-stuffed green olive
Out of the jar. Rousing, the corollary
I worked out was sundaes, I believe,
Are made with a maraschino cherry.
I also realized the problem presented
An allegory for gay marriage
And the waitress' troubles represented
Justice's possible miscarriage
By the Supreme Court as we anticipate
Their ruling on DOMA and Prop 8.

Early Spring Park Fling

Early Spring Park Fling
26 February 2013

I stepped outside after playing canasta,
The weather was so warm, I said, "I just hasta."
So before it started to get dark
I drove a few blocks to Balboa Park.
Starting with Spanish Village art
I enjoyed the displays in that mart.
Strolling further along
Street performers sang a song.
By the Botanical Building were koi
For one and all to enjoy.
I had the unexpected happenstance
Of running into an acquaintance.
Walking a few steps more, how cool
To be enchanted by the reflecting pool.
Spanish Colonial style prevails
In the architectural details.
I had it made in the shade
Sauntering down the promenade.

Visualization Formulation

Visualization Formulation
9 February 2013

Let go of the old rules.
Just release and let go,
Use some new-age tools
To go with the flow.
Behaviors that were learned
With the best of intention
Must now be overturned,
No longer meriting retention.
Slowly breathe out to simplify
Actions that no longer serve,
Patterns you want to modify,
Paradigms that get on your nerve.
Focus on what to change
Sending away what irks.
Concentrate within range
To bring on what works.
Breathe in really deep
Visualizing life anew,
See what you want to keep
Imagine a changed you.

Expressed Request

After listening to songs from musicals, here's a poem for Valentine's day.

Expressed Request
9 February 2013

Just a thought
On the spot
Why not
Give it a shot?
Asking in advance,
Does your stance
And side-long glance
Mean taking a chance
On a new romance?
You wanna dance?

Dance with me baby?
Now's your time to speak.
Say "yes," not "maybe."
Let's dance cheek to cheek.
Starting might be hit or miss,
But after we've begun
With some diligent practice
We'll be dancing as one.
As we waltz across the floor
To the beat of the score,
It makes my heart soar
To be with the one I adore.
Dance with me
And let's see
If we can be
In harmony.

When I Heard at the Coming of Twilight

When I first read this poem, it impacted me. On reflection, I wondered if it could be improved by rhyming.

When I Heard at the Coming of Twilight
14 January 2013
Original by Walt Whitman

When I heard with the coming of twilight
How my name had been received as luminary
In the capitol, still it was not a happy night
For me that followed; and else, when I made merry
Or when my plans were fully completed
Still I was not entirely glad.
But the day when I rose at dawn from the bed
Of perfect health, refreshed, singing,
Drinking in all that was to be had
Of the ripe breath of autumn's bringing,
When I saw the full moon above the land
Grow pale and disappear in the morning light,
When I wandered alone over the seastrand
And undressing, bathed, laughing with delight
In the cool waters, and saw the sun rise,
And when I thought of how my dear friend,
My lover, was on his way, a prize,
Oh, then I was happy to no end.
Then each breath tasted much sweeter—
And all that day my food nourished
Me more—and the beautiful day passed fleeter,
And the next came equally flourished—
And with the next, at evening, ecstasy,
My friend came. Later as an underscore,
While all was still, I heard the sea
Roll slowly, continually up the shore.
I heard the hissing, rustling liquidly
Upon the sands, as directed to me, murmuring
To congratulate me, for the one I love avidly
Lay sleeping by me under the same covering.
In the cool of the night, without sound,
In the autumn moonbeams, his face was inclined
Towards me, and his arm lay lightly around
My breast—and that night was happiness enshrined.


When I heard at the Close of the Day
(No. 11, from ‘Calamus’ written circa 1859)
by Walt Whitman (1819-1892)

WHEN I heard at the close of the day how my name had been receiv'd
        with plaudits in the capitol, still it was not a happy night
        for me that follow'd;
And else, when I carous'd, or when my plans were accomplish'd, still
        I was not happy;
But the day when I rose at dawn from the bed of perfect health,
        refresh'd, singing, inhaling the ripe breath of autumn,
When I saw the full moon in the west grow pale and disappear in the
        morning light,
When I wander'd alone over the beach, and undressing, bathed,
        laughing with the cool waters, and saw the sun rise,
And when I thought how my dear friend, my lover, was on his way
        coming, O then I was happy;
O then each breath tasted sweeter—and all that day my food nourish'd
        me more—and the beautiful day pass'd well,
And the next came with equal joy—and with the next, at evening, came
        my friend;
And that night, while all was still, I heard the waters roll slowly
        continually up the shores,
I heard the hissing rustle of the liquid and sands, as directed to
        me, whispering, to congratulate me,                        


For the one I love most lay sleeping by me under the same cover in
        the cool night,
In the stillness, in the autumn moonbeams, his face was inclined
        toward me,
And his arm lay lightly around my breast—and that night I was happy.