Three Events

Just before I fall asleep, I review what I want to do the next day, what I think my schedule will be. Some time ago I realized that each day has it's own flavor. Today proved that the future is unpredictable.

Early on men came with machines and jackhammered out the sidewalk half-way across my driveway. The backstory is a previous owner (I've been in this house for six years) planted a ficus tree in the parkway. That's what the city calls the space between the sidewalk and the gutter. Anyway, the ficus tree was starting to raise the concrete of the sidewalk creating a tripping hazard. Also it was big enough to block a speed limit sign creating a traffic hazard. And it was growing into the power line creating an electrical hazard. A couple of months ago, I went out one day and the tree was gone; cut down by the city. They spray painted colored arrows on the sidewalk. Bruce put a notice on the fridge yesterday so I had parked on the cul-de-sac side of the house and was able to get out and about. 

Bruce collects Pulsar watches. The were the first digital watches sold to the public. As with any product, some breakdown and don't work any more. Bruce had been exchanging emails with a guy from Germany about the electronic modules inside the watches. Today that dude from Germany came by the house with his girlfriend. They were here for quite a while and wanting to be hospitable, I went out and picked up rolled tacos for lunch. Bruce trotted out the best watches of his collection including one with Florentine engraving and the "crown jewels" by Grima.

The third surprise of the day was the arrival of my book order. I now have copies of both of my poetry books. If anyone one wants an autographed copy, just send me $12. They're also available online: Uncle Al's Rhymes for Our Times and Uncle Al's Perverse, Gay and Kink Verse.

New Doctor

The doctor I had been seeing in Point Loma told me that he was being transfered. I don't care for the nurse in that office. For me she comes across as loud and pushy. In July I had boil on the bottom of my foot and went to Urgent Care on Vandever. The doctor I saw there was gay but didn't have much personality. Today I went thinking that if the new doctor had the usual bedside manner, I would just as soon see the gay doctor with the closer office. The nurse took my vital signs then ushered me into the exam room. When she spoke about the new doctor, she smiled, really big. Finally the new doctor came in and immediately I could tell she had something they don't teach in medical school, a personality. So instead of using Donald Trump's line, "You're fired," I got to say, "You're a keeper."

Sweat, Blood and Testosterone

Yesterday Bruce and I rented a U-Haul truck to move Terry's stuff from storage in LA to storage in San Diego. The backstory is Terry an artery to his stomach rupture back in May and went to the emergency room. Half of his stomach died for lack of nutrition so it was removed. But gangrene had set in and the toxins from the gangrene disrupted the functioning of his kidneys and liver. Finally Terry died the first week of September.
While Terry was in the hospital, Bruce collected money from Terry's friends to pay the rent. But you can't keep that up very long so we moved Terry's things into storage. Paying for a storage unit was cheaper than paying rent.
Of course moving furniture and boxes is a quick way to work up a sweat. There were a couple of hunky guys helping a woman move her china closet. Maybe my next poem will be about sweat, blood and testosterone. The wheel on the dolly broke, the china closet tipped and broke the glass. One of the hunks cut his hand on the glass. Bruce said, "If they had spent as much money on their educations as they spent on their tattoos, they would have MBAs."

Self-Improvement Epiphany

Yesterday morning I talked with my life coach, Pamela Madsen. We talked about blogging and like topics. That evening I did a guided meditation asking "Who or what am I?" As I was eating dinner my subconscious surfaced with the idea that if I became really successful as a poet, I would become one of THEM. That stuck me as odd, considering that I've been an out gay man into BDSM for several years. Us and THOSE PEOPLE were initially undefined. As I thought about it, I realized my subconscious didn't want me to become one of the tabloid celebrities.  I  reminded my subconscious that I don't drink or do drugs. I also told the subconscious that although I had seen compromising photos of myself from Dore Alley, it had not impacted my career. I'm a long shot from having the paparazzi chase after me.
Previously, I has gotten a set of DVDs about making money on the internet. I had followed the first couple of steps then stopped. I think my subconscious had undermined my determination and efforts to make money. Have you ever had a similar experience?

Who’s Values?

Who’s Values?

14 Sept 2011

The bottoms of my feet are wet

From gaps between the planks

And I have no safety net

Midway between the banks.

The risk makes me shiver,

Uncertainty bites my heals,

I’m floating down life’s river

On a raft of my own ideals.

From being headstrong

To the point of scrappiness,

I hope to find my own song

And foresee some happiness.

Vilification Vexation and Visitation Vindication

I worked on this poem and the next one "Gay Fetes in the Streets" during the same week. I'm not happy with this poem, but as I stare at it I don't get inspiration to change anything. For me "Gay Fetes" has bounce which this one doesn't.

Vilification Vexation and Visitation Vindication

19 Sept 2011

In January 1985, I was excommunicated 

From the Salt Lake City based church.

I had gotten divorced and relocated

To Monticello, back in my parents’ perch. 

In spite of what the disciplinary court stated, 

I still attended church with my family.  

That year the Manti Temple was renovated

And used for the endowment liturgy. 

I interviewed with the bishop and was given 

A recommend to attend the rededication fest. 

To get to Manti, for six hours we had driven,

Meaning we had to put on our Sunday best

Early in the morning, adding to the trip’s griefs,

Grateful to be in cars, not pulling handcarts. 

We were waiting with our white handkerchiefs

For the Hallelujah Shout and hope in our hearts

For a choice spiritual feast validating our beliefs.

While queued up, awaiting permission to enter 

A member of the Stake Presidency came down the line

Greeting members, happened upon this dissenter

And took away the prized recommend of mine.

Oh, the disappointment of expectations negated.

How was I supposed to feel? What to do?

There was no appeal by the powers delegated,

So I just walked around the venue.

Skip ahead to September 2011,

We went from Cleveland by bus 

To Kirtland’s little bit of heaven.

At the visitor’s center we got to discuss

And were escorted by tour guides

Over to the Newell K. Whitney shop of retail. 

Downstairs, we saw the store’s insides 

With barrels, baskets and account’s detail.

Also, the bartering section for trading wares. 

Then thru a door and up the narrow stairs, 

Was the parlor with table and chairs.

I placed my palm flat on the table 

And felt a strong surge of emotion, 

Not happy or sad, just strong, I was unable

To identify what for me was a crying potion. 

Next was School of the Prophets vestibule

With benches to sit on while being instructed, 

Then, finally the bedrooms with a spinning mule.

After the store, we were conducted

Thru the Whitney house, Johnson hotel, sawmill

And ashery where potash was produced. 

Then we followed the sidewalk uphill 

Past the temple and got introduced

To the other visitor’s center overseen

By the Community of Christ church.

John Hamer presented a historical slide scene,

By narrating the slides with original research,

He followed the history of Mormon leadership, 

Revelations and temple purposes; explaining 

Splinters and offshoots within the Mormon grip. 

Then we walked over to the sacred building. 

The green door was held open for us to enter.

All were admitted. We climbed the stairs to

The upper assembly hall. After the presenter, 

We were ushered up more stairs and thru 

The attic school rooms, then back down to the hall. 

Finally we were allowed to sit in the lower auditorium. 

We were told, here during the dedication that all

Had seen, beheld its abundant spiritual emporium.

The people thought of themselves as saints

And sanctified the temple by their sacrifices

Truly the Lord’s House for worship without restraints.

This hall had signs of current religious devices. 

I looked around at the Affirmation attesters

Then tears flowed when I thought of praying 

Together with them in the temple of my ancestors.

I was touched to the core, that’s all I’m saying.

Gay Fetes in the Streets

Gay Fetes in the Streets

26 Sept 2011

When we were teenagers growing up, 

We never had a chance to feel each other up

Experience crushes, flirting, nor love treats. 

We were denied meaningful cozying up. 

So now we have sex in the bars and streets.

Society told us we had gone astray, 

To suppress our feelings and go away 

Quietly into the night without bleats. 

Now that we have found men who play

We have sex in the baths and the streets.

We have survived the condemnation 

Of being called an abomination 

And alienation from church meets. 

With self-esteem getting elevation

From sex in the bushes and streets.

Although we sat thru many sermons in our lives 

About how husbands should treat their wives, 

We never heard a word about gay couple retreats. 

So we made our own rules about sex drives

And actions on the beaches and in the streets.

We have survived feeling suicidal. 

With AIDS, death has not been idle. 

Living each day is gravy and meats

Or more icing on the cake. To feel the idyll

We have sex on our backs and in the streets. 

It’s not like we need self-control reform. 

We controlled ourselves enough to conform, 

Get married and that made us robots on repeat. 

We acknowledge it may stir up a storm

To have sex in bay windows on the street.

The gay assimilationists don’t recognize 

That we’ve always been and in any size 

Always will be different in our fetes. 

Passion to fight for their rights does arise

From sex in beds and in the streets.

Sunshine Song

Sunshine Song

29 August 2011

Walking in the sunshine

Singing this sunshine song,

The simple notes of mine

Help move the day along.

As I go striding along

Feeling big and strong

This is where I belong.

Skipping in the sunshine

Caroling this sunshine song.

Not a cloud in sight.

Everything’s bold and bright

And the world’s all right.

Strolling in the sunshine

Humming this sunshine song.

What can I say?

No worries today

They all flew away.

Hiking in the sunshine

Belting out this sunshine song.

These simple notes of mine

Help the day move along.

Walking in the sunshine

Singing this sunshine song.

Here's where I posted it to You Tube: http://www.youtube.com/user/n2501znsd?feature=mhsn

A Cause For Pause

A Cause For Pause

25 August 2011

I stopped to watch the sunset

As the sky’s color didn’t stay,

But evolved from yellow, to scarlet

And resolved in a purplish gray.

I was reminded of the saying,

“Stop and smell the roses.”

A full-bodied scent upon inhaling

Stimulates our noses

And excites the whole brain.

I realized anew that many wonders

Are simple and easy to attain.

Perhaps the message thunders,

“Stop!” “In this fortuitous moment

I don’t care what else is going on,

The world is on pause for this scent

Or this sunset that’s glowing on.

For a short time I’ll focus to be

Aware of what’s meaningful to me.”

Visualization Culmination

Visualization Culmination

16 August 2011

I followed the voice

Directing me to visualize

My life and choice

In a super size.

The self-improvement guru

Thru guided visualization

Led a life review to

Behavior modification.

While imagining a hinderance

To my future objective,

Visualizing that chance

From a different perspective.

Where the choice is unmade

And the results get

Changed and replayed

To a different vignette.

I listened half sympathetic,

My personal learning mode

Is visual and kinesthetic

So my attention yo-yoed.

I didn’t write goals down

But I followed during

The imagination countdown

And values conjuring.

I was very surprised

At the outcome I got,

For mindfullness minimized

I felt like a freshman snot.

The exercise made me feel

Like I was much younger

About the college age ideal

With a curiosity hunger.

However, I got to keep

Knowledge and experience

So the price was cheap

Even tho it didn’t make sense.